You are probably right that presenting these items in a way which may be perceived as overstated is less effective. I agree that a more mild-mannered approach typically works.
This stance assumes that it hasn't been attempted. I am in my mid 50's and have attempted to show these items to white people in my life on personal and professional levels for about 40 years. In very rare cases, white people listen--regardless of how this is presented. Mostly, they don't.
I now believe that this is deliberate, a way to hold on to that advantage. It doesn't need to be conscious to be deliberate, in this sense.
The onus of responsibility belongs with the members of the dominant group. You make a pragmatic suggestion I've already tried which rarely works, for three generations in my own life. So, I see no reason at all to present it in any other way than that most readily available to me and other POC"s, because regardless of presentation, we see little changes at higher levels where power is negotiated.
I've watched my children hear the same insults that my parents did. This shouldn't happen.
White people--all genders--should examine their motives more closely.
Thanks again for reading.