Wow! This is incredible. I find this really enlightening. I am a mixed-race and ethnicity Middle Eastern/Chinese/multiple ethnicities and a little bit European by genetic testing. I am not black and cannot speak for this part of your experience given the anti-blackness I believe exists in our society, but I have some similar sense of not belonging in my skin. I had this situation: (mostly) growing up in a very white neighborhood where I was most definitely not white, both in the US and rural England. I saw our society's anti-blackness at a young age because I could tell that, when people wanted to insult me, they (white people) would call me partly black. It was an obvious form of bullying to me, because I was neither white nor black, I was decidedly 'other,' some vague brown with immigrant parents. So, it was always really obvious to me that when a group of white people wanted to dominate, they specifically use the tack of subordinating blackness to express that sense of domination.
In your childhood pictures you look similar to me. I was perceived as 'too dark' in my context and it was obvious to me that this was NOT a good thing from a social standpoint.
I think your work is fascinating, especially given our country's penetrated racism and potent anti-blackness. Please keep writing! I really like your style. You may already know Danzy Senna, the writer? I think you would enjoy her books if you don't know her. Caucasia is my favorite.