Ms. Strong,

Thanks for offering this story of courage: you are aptly named.

I’ve known people subject to childhood abuse. When they have gone ‘no contact,’ they have felt a lot of pain and difficulty in the beginning but after years gain a perspective that reminds them they did this to survive. There is no value in ‘parents’ who not only don’t act like caretakers but who proactively abuse. These are often vulnerable and broken people, but it is dangerous for their victim(s) to be the ones who address this issue: once people become perpetrators, they are not just victims anymore (though they are often narcissists so tend to see themselves as victims no matter how abusive.) To the child, those parents are perpetrators of abuse: not just perceptively but in reality. Typically, these are malignantly narcissistic people.

You made the right choice based on my experience. One of my friends tells me that, many years ago when she first left, she also missed the emotional ‘connection.’ She describes this as the residue of self-deception that abused people maintain while healing: there is no question in her mind now that these ‘emotional’ connections were empty and didn’t actually provide any support. She wishes now that she had cut off contact earlier. Her parents still attempt to contact her and to speak to her children (their grandchildren) but she holds firm despite their constant refusal to examine themselves.

Congratulations on your separation from a malignant and abusive setting. My own experience tells me you’ve made the right choice.

Written by

She/Her: Distort lies until they amplify truth. CryBaby: As loud as necessary.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store