As much as I appreciate your efforts to understand this phenomenon, I agree with Ydenise Mcclay as below.
But without belaboring these differences in opinions, I'd like to point out a factor which seems to be missed in these discussions: the collective factor. We often speak about individuals and their behaviors and are less likely, as a country, to see collective groups and collective behavior. Because only white people are considered actual individuals, this stance favors white people automatically.
I am also mostly around white women who would not vote for Trump, and they are acting embarrassed and confused. But the question of individuality is only one part of the equation; these are also collective issues and should be considered collectively, because it is collective white behaviors--group behaviors--that ultimately result in the maintenance of white supremacy. That is, few individuals (at least in my set of people) are overtly racist; they are simply passively excusing themselves from the collective behavior of white people, which is a form of shirking responsibility.
I note that they act exactly as you describe here: that these women are different from them, ie, that they are the GOOD ones, the ones who voted for Biden. They aren't negotiating the larger question: what do ALL white women benefit from such that 55% thought it best to vote against their gender equality? The answer is white supremacy: white women collectively prove what many of us know: in the US, whiteness has more power than maleness.
So, I think when 'good' white women who act earnestly angry at 'bad' white women, they should ALSO ask: how do I, as a white woman, benefit such that more than half of my demographic voted against my gender interests? Otherwise, they are shirking full responsibility for their participation, which happens automatically. We're all stuck in a white supremacist system.
1. Individual: true confusion, as you describe, about the individual behavior of white women, which does vary and indicates NO monolith;
2. Collective: this behavior indicates that a majority of white women--AS A GROUP--vote against their gender interests and against equality for all people. Next step**: HOW DO I, AS A WHITE WOMAN, BENEFIT IN OUR SOCIETY FROM WHITENESS?' NOT: 'hey, look at me all you POCs, I voted in your interest. Give me a gold star.'
These women should not be acting confused; they are part of a grossly overprivileged demographic which negotiates that privilege, repeatedly, with claims of victimization. White women have asked men to consider their behaviors as a collective, oppressive group. They ought make the same effort for everybody else--POCs of all genders dominated by the whiteness of ALL white women, not just the ones who voted for Trump.